Choosing forgiveness means one thing – ego is still present! This sentence came near the end of my adventure with Savannah and Lauren. It was profound and made me think deeper than the day before and I liked that, I liked that the lessons had more depth and texture to them, but I also noticed I could keep up with my teacher; it was a sign that I had crossed the bridge over troubled waters.
Savannah’s words from the pages of my journal continue to remind me of the ego’s evil ways. You know sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trapped in the ego because my ego thoughts are so automatic; fear is more common than love and the response to fear comes so easy. Feel bad? – take a pill, feel angry? – point to someone else, have no money? – see no life.
Have you ever heard of a confessional phone line? A friend remarked to me after hearing about forgiveness that it was like confessing into a phone. It stuck, but I changed it up a bit. Every time I catch my ego/wrong mind in action, I step into my own confessional phone booth, and forgive myself for that thought. My phone booth is identical to the brownish grey futuristic phone booth which stood conspicuously alone and rarely used on the street I loitered on in Paris. Every time I passed by, the word ‘bonjour’ printed in bold letters above the booth, would catch my eye. I imagined I was talking to my father; the shiny black receiver pressed hard against my ear, no words spoken that I remember just a flash of visual memory.
From the pages of my journal:
Forgiveness happens on many levels of the ego and the same belief may have to be forgiven many times throughout your life. Look around Joey – forgiveness has brought you here. The light of God has found a pathway and is expressing itself through people, situations and circumstances. But my dear friend, the ego waits in the shadows for an opening to redirect your mind; blink, and the ego will enter. I caution you to stay vigilant. You know of its ways, its horridness, and I pray you will continue to choose forgiveness, and to no longer be bound by its madness!
And then she told me her story and how she discovered the core belief that overshadowed her inner light. Here’s more from the pages of my journal:
Joey, when I began studying A Course in Miracles I wondered out-loud, ‘What belief was stunting my growth? What wrong minded perceptions and beliefs were layered over my soul? What shadow is dimming my light?’ The word Unworthiness found its way to the surface. I cried real tears when ‘This is Your Life’ memories played out on the screen; Unworthiness wreaked havoc every step along the way. Happily, I have come to terms with it and now I envision Unworthiness as a creepy unearthly-like tree sending out its twisted branches named; anger, judgment, and self-righteousness. Both you and Lauren know I get angry and frustrated, it’s true I do, but I always forgive, because I know when I do, that creepy tree called Unworthiness has withered away a little more, and allowed the light of God to shine just a touch brighter.
If I feel fear – I am responsible. I now know the difference between ego and God and I can no longer defend myself when I react out of fear to someone or something in the world. Yes, I know the difference between love and hate and most of all; I know the power of forgiveness. Create your own confessional phone booth and step inside.
Recommendation: Read Writing: Non-doing comes by way of Undoing! before continuing to the next lesson)
Te quiero. Joey