Undoing

Exposing the speed bumps and blind spots in your world of illusion!

Forgiveness – the bridge over troubled waters!

Choosing forgiveness means one thing – ego is still present! This sentence came near the end of my adventure with Savannah and Lauren. It was profound and made me think deeper than the day before and I liked that, I liked that the lessons had more depth and texture to them, but I also noticed I could keep up with my teacher; it was a sign that I had crossed the bridge over troubled waters.

Lady and ShipSavannah’s words from the pages of my journal continue to remind me of the ego’s evil ways. You know sometimes I don’t even realize I’m trapped in the ego because my ego thoughts are so automatic; fear is more common than love and the response to fear comes so easy. Feel bad? – take a pill, feel angry? – point to someone else, have no money? – see no life.

Have you ever heard of a confessional phone line? A friend remarked to me after hearing about forgiveness that it was like confessing into a phone. It stuck, but I changed it up a bit. Every time I catch my ego/wrong mind in action, I step into my own confessional phone booth, and forgive myself for that thought. My phone booth is identical to the brownish grey futuristic phone booth which stood conspicuously alone and rarely used on the street I loitered on in Paris. Every time I passed by, the word ‘bonjour’ printed in bold letters above the booth, would catch my eye. I imagined I was talking to my father; the shiny black receiver pressed hard against my ear, no words spoken that I remember just a flash of visual memory.

From the pages of my journal:

Forgiveness happens on many levels of the ego and the same belief may have to be forgiven many times throughout your life. Look around Joey – forgiveness has brought you here. The light of God has found a pathway and is expressing itself through people, situations and circumstances. But my dear friend, the ego waits in the shadows for an opening to redirect your mind; blink, and the ego will enter. I caution you to stay vigilant. You know of its ways, its horridness, and I pray you will continue to choose forgiveness, and to no longer be bound by its madness!

And then she told me her story and how she discovered the core belief that overshadowed her inner light. Here’s more from the pages of my journal:

Joey, when I began studying A Course in Miracles I wondered out-loud, ‘What belief was stunting my growth? What wrong minded perceptions and beliefs were layered over my soul? What shadow is dimming my light?’ The word Unworthiness found its way to the surface. I cried real tears when ‘This is Your Life’ memories played out on the screen; Unworthiness wreaked havoc every step along the way. Happily, I have come to terms with it and now I envision Unworthiness as a creepy unearthly-like tree sending out its twisted branches named; anger, judgment, and self-righteousness. Both you and Lauren know I get angry and frustrated, it’s true I do, but I always forgive, because I know when I do, that creepy tree called Unworthiness has withered away a little more, and allowed the light of God to shine just a touch brighter.


If I feel fear – I am responsible. I now know the difference between ego and God and I can no longer defend myself when I react out of fear to someone or something in the world. Yes, I know the difference between love and hate and most of all; I know the power of forgiveness. Create your own confessional phone booth and step inside.

Recommendation: Read Writing: Non-doing comes by way of Undoing! before continuing to the next lesson)

Te quiero. Joey

Run that past me again!

A Course in Miracles says there are only two emotions, love and fear. Real love is built-in; a newborn infant is pure love. Yes that’s right; you and I were born 100% pure love. But fear, well, fear is learned. As the years go by we get further and further away from pure love and lean in the direction of fear until it rules our thinking.

PeacockI won’t repeat the previous lessons except to list their points of importance below:

1. Wishy-washy won’t cut it. Commitment only.

2. You’re way isn’t working. Surrender.

3. Your world is a reflection of your thoughts. Period.
(Check and see if you are nodding your head in agreement. Yes? Great – you are ready to do the work.)

4. Here’s your choice; ego or God.
(The first 3 lessons have given you a basic understanding of Undoing, but from my own teacher/student experience I know ‘showing’ is the best way to learn. Let’s take a look at the ego/wrong minded thoughts that confronted me as I became the observer of my world. Some are in-your-face confrontations and others are so subtle and cunning it will make you scratch your head in disbelief. However, they all count as ego – no matter how loud or quiet they show up.)

I whispered to Savannah, ‘See the man seated at the table by the window; he is being rude to the waitress. It makes me angry.’ Savannah turned to face me, ‘Forgive your ego/wrong mind thought Joey.’ A little indignant, I said, ‘But he is the one being rude!’ Savannah answered, ‘You are judging him and judgment is an ego/wrong minded thought. Yes, I know it’s subtle; the ego can be subtle, but it’s judging; which means you are judging yourself and it’s…’ I finished her sentence, ‘a forgiveness opportunity!’ She smiled, ‘Yes, forgive your thought of judgment.’ Putting her arm around me she pulled me close, ‘Joey, it’s not a big deal – it’s only the ego. Forgive and move on.’


and…

I was invited to a social gathering by a friend; six to ten creative people in one room sharing drinks, hors d’oeuvres, and conversation. That was for me. I accepted. I met an interesting writer that evening and we had so much in common. She wanted my number as she was traveling and would call when location permitted. I never heard from her. For days I reviewed every detail of our conversation: What did I say or do that turned her off? What reason could I find for her rejection? How had I blown it? See what we do? Stop, I said to myself. Finally, I stepped back and observed my thoughts and forgave. My ego/wrong minded thoughts of ‘Unworthiness’ had lassoed me down to the ground. It was painful. Forgiveness healed my mind immediately.


Just two examples for now with more to come. Hey, send me yours and I will post them.

You do not have to learn love, earn love, or attain love, because love is always within you. If you’re not aware of love and projecting love, you must have forgiveness yet to do.

Te quiero. Joey

Undoing the ego is the idea!

Stand back and observe your own behavior. Really pay attention to every thought that finds its way into your mind.

Puzzle LadyLet me set the scene with a real life scenario. John is the name of our character and soon he will be in a verbal tussle with a jealous boyfriend. This practical approach to ‘showing’ the lesson puts you there, in the room, a fly-on-the-wall. I know a confrontation between two men in a bar on any given night might not pique your interest but as the observer I want you to focus on our man, John, and watch his internal monologue acting out and projecting in the world.

The neighborhood bar is our character’s destination on this particular Friday night. John and a couple of friends are gathering to shake off the craziness that surrounded them during the past work week. ‘Keeping it real over a beer or two,’ was the stated goal and the local ‘Joint’ is just the place for that. Its classic no-frills, rough around the edges vibe makes it a cool place to hang-out, and our ‘no pretense’ group of friends like unwinding there.

He doesn’t see her approach but he knows the signs; her body pressing against his, rubbing up and down his back, it’s obvious what’s going on here. Her come-on moves and overpowering perfume is an instant turn-off for him, however, she does succeed in getting his attention. He pivots on the vinyl covered bar stool to take a look at his seductress. Uh oh, that was a mistake.

He’s a young pleasant sort of guy and he gets more than his share of adoration from the girls; it’s all good, but not her and not tonight, he’s with his friends. Too late, her boyfriend has noticed him looking at her, and he makes a beeline to the bar to straighten him out. The face-to-face finger jabbing confrontation is not one-sided – he gets in his shots. He wasn’t looking for it but it happened; like many times before, a jealous guy accusing him of making a move on his girl – different faces maybe but the sequence of events are the same. He tries to brush it off but it has spoiled his night.

Savannah’s teaching from my journal:

This lesson is on training your mind to focus from outward to inward; ego or God and it is up to you to understand the difference between the two minds. The ‘Wrong Mind’ is the ‘ego’ and thoughts of fear, guilt, and I am separate from you. The ‘Right Mind’ is ‘God’ and the thoughts of unconditional love, compassion, and we are all one.


and…

It is either ego or God; there is no sitting on the fence, straddling the middle, or idling in neutral. You are either/or, this or that, one way or another. Even when you say, ‘I need to think about this’ – you are choosing. If you feel the need to analyze – you are choosing. This is very important: There is no middle position, you are in ego/wrong mind or you are in God/right mind!


John was in ego/wrong mind when he walked in the bar. As you learned from the previous lessons on Reflection; the world you see is a reflection in a mirror of your thoughts and nothing more. That being true – John created this confrontation. He walked in the bar with a belief, ‘All the women are attracted to me and all the men are jealous of me!’

As an ego, he would undoubtedly deny his unconscious ego/wrong minded thoughts. Why? Well, if the fingers are pointed elsewhere, he’s blaming others, and he doesn’t have to take responsibility. It’s the egos way to project the anger or guilt toward the outside world. ‘The jealous boyfriend was wrong – I didn’t do anything!’ If John stood back and observed the confrontation, he would see an opportunity to choose again – God instead of ego.

You and I are flies-on-the-wall and we have just witnessed the encounter between John and the jealous boyfriend. Ask me a question. Okay, how does John choose again? Is there a switch he can flip on or off? Well yes, as a matter of fact, forgiveness will flip the ego switch to ‘off’! Hmmm, forgiveness, ‘Okay Mr. Jealous Guy, you are a jerk and I’m not, so I will forgive you?’ Is that what you are saying by forgiveness? That was funny. Not exactly, this way is not about forgiving another body, which is the ego’s way of forgiveness, no, this way is about undoing the ego/wrong mind or old programs named perceptions and beliefs. Undoing? When the old program surfaces from the depths of the unconscious mind it’s an opportunity to observe and forgive the ego/wrong minded thought. There is no one to forgive! Only ego blames another. It’s just you and your thought – me and my thought – or John and his thought. Forgive, and that is it! Wow! Yes, WOW is a good word for this lesson.

I was the young man in the bar, except it was a pub in Dublin and yes; the angry scenario was exactly as it happened to me. Savannah took this opportunity to show me why it happened and what I needed to do to stop it from happening again.

The jealous guy doesn’t really exist, he’s an illusion, a projection – he is you. You are forgiving the ego/wrong mind thought that created the projection of the jealous guy. When you committed to this process you became ‘The Observer’ and it is time to see your world in terms of ego/wrong mind or God/right mind. Remember Joey, there is no other choice.


She introduced me to real forgiveness and the following quote is always on my lips. Undoing the ego remains the cornerstone of what this way is all about. Observing our perceptions and beliefs is quite a challenge; who wants to own up to shame, guilt, jealousy, greed, and anger? Most don’t and most choose not to. Let me be the first to say ‘thank-you’ for choosing God. I know it’s tough but I am here cheering you on. It does get easier, really it does, and when the truth and light of God is revealed, one Experience at a time – and the impossible becomes possible again, you will be thanking yourself.

When a forgiveness opportunity presents itself, take a deep breath, wait sixty seconds, observe your ego/wrong mind thought, be happy the ego has been exposed; ask the Holy Spirit to be present and forgive.


Te quiero. Joey

To find my way home, I must disappear!

When I slammed the heavy solid teak and wrought iron front door behind me I could hear the panes of glass shaking from within their frames and the brass door knocker rattling on its hinges – like always. Yes, it was all too familiar, my father and I argued about my future almost every day, each of us hurling damning and venomous words at the other, hoping to land the perfect insult. He always won; he reasoned better than me, he was an attorney after all. Joey on roadThe front door meant freedom from his unrelenting diatribe and I always turned in that direction; marching my determined feet down the corridor, gasping for fresh air, and distance from my abuser.

The crashing sound of doors colliding together only meant that particular argument was over, and not that my father conceded anything, he didn’t, his rules had hardened like concrete and nothing was going to break them loose. It usually took three hours more or less to calm my rage and suppress my feelings before limping back to my father’s house where we would sit together sharing the evening meal, like nothing ever happened.

My immaturity, my imagination, or my passion; one or all of them pulled me into the center ring to battle my father day after day. I wanted him to listen, to understand the fierce light in my eyes that lit a path different than his, but his rigid rules I couldn’t seem to live by and he couldn’t seem to loosen, continued to drive us further apart. Finally, the day had come when freedom from him had been offered and it was on the other side of that door – and this time, I was not coming back.

I resisted looking in the rear-view mirror; no to fear and no to misgivings, I only allowed myself to focus on Paris and the glorious life that waited for me there.

What went wrong?

Turned out my father had indelibly imprinted my mind. What? Right, he was the one person who had the deepest influence on me from birth through my formative years and therefore had left the deepest imprint. It didn’t matter how many miles separated us, his words, good and bad, impacted my entire decision making. The moment the door slammed shut I was physically alone, yes, but his words would ring like a timed alarm through the halls of my mind every darn day I fought to survive on the streets of Paris. I thought I was free of him, but I wasn’t – not really.

Turning twenty years old meant two long years had passed since a naive teenager named Jose Miguel arrived in Paris with dreams as big as an ocean. Not to be. Who was I to think I could achieve my dreams? Homelessness brought me to my knees and I was pleading to go home, and oh yes, now all I wanted was my father. Enter Savannah, my teacher, and the way to do just that – go home to my father.

Here’s the good news. It’s hard to un-imprint, but not impossible! And that is what my blog UNDOING JOEY is all about.

Te quiero. Joey

Saying something – doesn’t make it so!

I am a money magnet! Saying these words over and over and over again, loudly and with feeling 100 times or more – doesn’t make it so! Just memorized words, one following the other, hollow in meaning, sound waves reverberating off ear drums, and nothing more.

IcebergAs human beings living in a three-dimensional world, each of us is aware of what we see with our eyes, feel with our touch, hear with our ears, and smell with our nose. Most of us are not aware of the world of the Mind; like an iceberg, the small visible part, one-tenth to be exact and literally the tip of the iceberg – is our consciousness. The whopping nine-tenths of its ginormous volume, unnoticed, and lurking below the surface – is our unconscious.

‘Why should I care about something I can’t see?’ or ‘If it’s not in-my-face, it’s not important, right?’ No, it is important – very important! It is the Mind below the surface that creates – what’s in-your-face! So true! Maybe a computer analogy will help explain what I mean.

The Operating System is a powerful and usually large program that controls and manages the hardware on a computer – Windows is a good example. A Hard Drive is the place on a computer where all the Programs are stored. A Program is a list of instructions that tell a computer what to do. For this lesson, imagine the Mind is the Operating System – from which all Programs emanate. Important: The Mind is nothing to do with the brain!

Okay? Let’s move on.

Birth, slap on the butt, first breath, Hard Drive boots, and away you go. Well-meaning parents, teachers, peers, religious leaders, neighbors, actors in the family’s scheduled TV shows – unwittingly, format ‘Your’ personal Hard Drive, installing Programs; mirror images to their own, as you mature from infant to adult.

These Programs come with titles: Perceptions & Beliefs and subtitles: guilt, fear, unworthiness, anger, etc. Again, these Perceptions & Beliefs are not born – they are learned!

Unlike a computer, ‘You’ cannot be replaced with a newer faster sleeker model when your Hard Drive is full. In other words, when your Hard Drive is full the ‘You’ has been defined, the Perceptions & Beliefs have taken hold in your Mind, and now when you walk down the street you accept what you see through your physical eyes to be reality, when really it is only your Perceptions & Beliefs of the world based on the Programs installed. Your version of reality is only your Perceptions & Beliefs of it – not what is so. Once the belief is installed in the Mind and you accept it as truth, it is run as an unconscious Program.

The Programs above the surface of your Mind consist of only 10% of your Operating System. The Programs below aren’t just a minor glitch in your Operating System – it is 90% of your system! This is where repressed dreams, denied desires, and long-forgotten memories of personality forming experiences are held, yet, the attention we give to understanding this mysterious and secretive world – is laughable. Our negligence creates a world of ‘same’ behavior – no matter the circumstances; new job, new town, new home – no matter. A new relationship feels so wonderful in the beginning; so much better than the last one. Oh yes, but it turns too, just like the last one after a while. Why?

It’s time to go back to the mantra, ‘I am a money magnet’. There is a program down in the murky waters of the unconscious that has a mantra playing on a loop, and firmly entrenched as a belief, ‘I am unworthy’ and nothing else can get through. Yes, ‘nothing else can get through – even if you say it 500 times.’ Here’s a suggestion to emphasize my point. Hold your hands out in front of you with palms up – the left hand holds the mantra ‘I am a money magnet’ and the right hand holds the mantra ‘I am unworthy’. Feel the weight, 10% in the left and 90% in the right, who is going to win that battle? Maybe now is a good time to clean out the Hard Drive and drag the old Programs to the trash. What do you think?

If you haven’t read my story, I would like to suggest you go back to ‘About Joey’ and read how a homeless drug addicted teen found a new way forward. Let me say, it didn’t happen by repeating over and over again, ‘Life is good, life is good.’ No, I had to fall to my knees and ask for help first; be humble and be the student. Grab hold of my hand. You help me – I help you. Let’s learn together. I hear you saying ‘Yes!’ Go to my ‘Welcome’ page and click on the next lesson. ‘Es el momento de seguir adelante.’ (It is time to move forward.)

Te quiero. Joey